Pink Frills VS Black Leather
by Delenn
Summary: COMPLETE: Jul20'06. Aphrodite is forced to ask her brother for a favor and gains an unexpected friend. Preshow. AX


**Disclaimer: All the ones you recognize from the shows aren't mine. The ones that you don't are mine. So is the story. Don't sue me, please.**

Author's Note: I admit that I am playing Aphrodite a 'little' out of character here. But I'm tired of everyone treating her like a ditz; let's give her SOME brains here! And she's also a little bitchy here, but a girl can only take so much, right? As in most of my stories Cupid is NOT Ares' son, I don't CARE what mythology says - not like XWP did either! LOL. Also, I dumped most of the disclaimer. Be happy.

Dedications: For everyone that wants it to be for them (and my Jackie and Kat). 

Warnings: Sex: Do you think? Well, I guess 'YES' but nothing really graphic. Language: Mild-Medium. Violence: Not too bad. 

Rated: 14-A/R.

Finished as of: July 15, 2006. 

Summary: Pre-X:WP. Aphrodite is forced to ask her brother for a favor and gains an unexpected friend.

* * *

Pink Frills VS Black Leather  
By Delenn

Aphrodite appeared in her brother's room holding a petition that she needed him to sign. She rolled her eyes as she heard moaning, giggling and other sounds coming from the bed. Aphrodite cleared her throat and a woman's head appeared from under the sheets. She sat up pulling the covers up slightly to cover her, said something, and Ares came out from under the sheets as well. "What wo-- Oh, that's my sister. 'Dite, what do you want?" 

Aphrodite rolled her eyes again; she did NOT want to get into her brother's love life. She made the parchment appear on a chair next to the bed. "Yeah, here, sign that."

Ares sighed and with a thought, both him and the woman were dressed. Ares got out of bed picked up the paper and started to read; he was in his usual black leather. Aphrodite looked at the woman, who was in a tight, short, black leather dress, which was tinted red. It had small splits on either side so she could move, had leather straps, and was rather low cut on the top. An outfit to rival Aphrodite's own, except it wasn't in pink. The woman herself had light blue eyes, long straight raven hair, and cherry lips. Seeming to sense the goddess' eyes on her, the woman looked up at Aphrodite and smiled wickedly. While Aphrodite had been engrossed in fashion, Ares had finished reading the petition and stated simply, "No. I won't sign it." 

Aphrodite whined, as she was determined to get what she wanted, "C'mon, I need you to sign it."

The woman crawled up behind Ares, and putting her arms around his neck, whispered something in his ear. Ares said to the woman, "Here, look at it if you want." Then to Aphrodite, "I'm not going to sign that."

Aphrodite recognized the woman now; she came to most meetings and parties with Ares. Aphrodite, as the goddess of love, found the whole thing rather disgusting. Why bring a mortal to meetings for gods? She demanded, "Why not? It clearly says that everyone has to sign!"

Ares rolled his eyes, searching for an excuse, "Athena already signed."

Suddenly the woman looked up, obviously having finished reading Aphrodite's petition. "Sign it, Ares."

Aphrodite noted that this was the first time she had ever heard this woman speak, and it was in her favor! Ares looked to the woman, raised an eyebrow and asked, "Why?" 

The woman rolled her eyes as if it was very obvious, "Because I said so, but, if you must have a different reason... Athena will be mad that you signed, and it doesn't matter to you whether your sister's manicurist is turned immortal or not."

Ares sighed in defeat, and pulled the woman on his lap, "I let you get away with murder."

The woman smiled again, licking her cherry lips. "I know, now sign."

And she held out the paper for him. Ares made a quill appear and quickly signed Aphrodite's petition. "There, anything to keep you happy, my dear. Seeing as you wanted me to sign, you can give this back to my sister."

The woman took the petition, got up and walked up to Aphrodite. When they were close enough, the two women sized each other up. The woman was taller the Aphrodite by at least a few inches. They looked nothing alike. Suddenly the woman smiled, "Here... 'Dite, is it? Aren't you the love one?"

Aphrodite scowled, "Aphrodite, the Goddess of Love to be exact, and who are you?"

The woman smiled, "Well, 'Dite, I'm the Destroyer of Nations. Nice to meet you."

Aphrodite smiled while she thought, 'Ooh, she's a warrior - no wonder Ares is after her. All about greed, sad really.' She smiled in an overly sugary way, "I didn't catch your name..."

The woman smiled again, and something about that smile was off, in Aphrodite's opinion. "No, you didn't."

The woman turned and walked back to Ares, obviously dismissing the Goddess of Love. Aphrodite had a sudden urge to blow this woman to pieces, but she was love, she didn't do stuff like that. So instead Aphrodite left - after all, she had what she wanted.

The woman sat back down on the bed and asked, "Let me guess, another family member you don't get along with?"

Ares growled, "The blonde bimbo... She has no brain, Xena, all she thinks about is her hair and manicure appointments."

Xena shrugged, "Ahh, well I'm sure lots of women are like that." 

Ares nodded, "Can't we just forget about her? Where were we..."

Xena slid out of bed, "I was just leaving... I have a battle soon and I have to get ready, I didn't realize the time. We'll have to hold that thought. What happened to my armor?" 

Ares silently cursed his sister for her timing. "Your weapons are over there."

Xena attached her chakram, put her breast dagger in its place, put on her boots and walked back to Ares. "I have to go, Ares. I promise we will continue our... activities... later."

Xena gave Ares a quick kiss then she was out the door on the way to her army's camp. Ares once again cursed the goddess of love and disappeared to find Discord.

* * *

Aphrodite paced her temple, trying to cool down. Several of her priests had tried to cheer her up, but it hadn't helped, Aphrodite still had an overwhelming urge to hurt someone. Suddenly a thought flashed through her mind. 'This must be how Ares feels... Whoa, yeah right, 'Dite, you've gone delusional!' Her son, Cupid, appeared and asked gently, "What's up, mom? Couldn't get Ares to sign your petition?"

Aphrodite stopped pacing, "Oh, Cupie, it's not that. He signed it, it's who got him to sign it." 

Cupid was patient with his mother, "And who was that?" 

Aphrodite threw her hands up in the air and sunk onto a couch. "That... WOMAN... that he brings to meetings with him! I just, I want to SMACK her!"

Cupid said, "Whoa, mom, cool down. How'd she get Ares to sign it?"

Aphrodite stated, "I will like not calm down! She just said 'sign it' like it was so simple, and all my begging did nothing! Oh, the whole thing just makes me ill!"

Cupid asked, "Isn't that normal? I mean just cause she isn't a priestess... Do you even know that she isn't a priestess?"

Aphrodite asked, "What's that supposed to mean?"

Cupid explained, "Well we all have things with our priests or priestesses, don't we?"

Aphrodite argued, "This is different! She just said 'sign it, Ares' it was like she had all this power over Ares, and she addressed him without using a title, that's not fit for a mortal!"

Cupid asked quietly, he wasn't used to seeing his mother angry. "Mom, why do you care?"

Aphrodite frowned, "I don't... I just hated her so much, everything about her."

Cupid reasoned, "Mom, you said it was like she had power over Uncle Ares... the god of WAR. Don't you think it would be a good idea to become friends with her?"

Aphrodite asked, disgust evident in her voice, "Why?" 

Cupid rolled his eyes, "So that you can use that power, it would be the perfect way for you to get back at her. You're the goddess of love, you're not allowed to hurt someone, but she's mortal, you can use her."

Aphrodite considered this idea. Cupid asked, "What are you waiting for? GO!"

Aphrodite smiled at her son, "You're right, like what would mommy do without her baby boy, hmm? Tootles!"

Aphrodite disappeared. Cupid smiled at his silly mother and sat on the couch, careful not to crush his wings.

* * *

Ares appeared beside Discord, who was sitting on HIS throne. "Well, well, look who I found."

Discord jumped up, anxious but doing a good job hiding it. "Uh, sorry, Uncle, I'll get out of your throne."

Ares put his arm around Discord's shoulders, "Discord, Discord, you know so little about the realm..."

Discord smiled nervously, "Yeah, that's why I want to learn all I can from you."

Ares continued steadily, "And yet, you seem determined to take over my position. That 'little' war you started in Athens has taken over the city. And my darling sister Athena is blaming me."

Discord smiled timidly, "Oops? It wasn't supposed to get that big... Uh you can blame me?"

Ares assured her, "Oh I did, and you will be punished. You see I had to listen to Athena lecturing me on keeping my minions under control and that does not make me very happy. You understand, Discord?"

Discord frowned, "Uh, not really?" 

Ares said, "Let me make it simple. Having to put up with my family makes me want to hurt someone, and seeing as it was your fault..."

Discord realized the danger to late and tried to get away, but Ares' arm was around her shoulders and she couldn't go anywhere. Suddenly Ares grabbed her by the neck and lifted her off the ground. He growled, "Now listen to me, Discord, I AM the GOD of WAR. You work for ME. You do NOT start WARS without my permission. Understand?"

Discord nodded weakly, trying to get out of her Uncle's grasp. "Uncle, you're choking me!"

Ares' eyes flashed, "Oh, am I? Well let me fix that."

He then threw Discord across the room where she crashed into a wall, as soon as she got up, Discord promptly disappeared. Ares laughed, "What a great way to relax. Now to check in on Xena's war."

* * *

Xena was lounging in her tent going over the plans for the battle. She had already killed her second in command for coming into her tent unannounced the night before, when she had been otherwise engaged. She had then promoted the man in line for her second in command's position. The goddess of love appeared and smiled, "Hello again!"

Xena looked up and, leaning back to be more comfortable in her chair, said, "Hello."

Aphrodite kept on smiling. "I think maybe we got off to a bad start..."

Xena's hand rested on her Chakram, which was eyed wearily by the other woman. "Umm..."

Aphrodite continued, "So I was thinking that maybe we should start again."

Xena nodded, "Hmm.…" 

Aphrodite realized that she was going to have to do something drastic to get a response from this woman. "So, yeah, like, I'm sorry about that whole thing... you know the way I acted. I was being a tad bitchy."

Xena kept her eyes focused on the goddess, "Really."

Aphrodite said, "Yeah, so. I'm Aphrodite, but my friends call me Dite."

She gestured with her hand indicating that it was Xena's turn. Xena got up and walked to Aphrodite. "I'm the Destroyer of Nations. Now listen here, Love Goddess, we're not friends and we are not going to do 'girl things,' get this straight! You don't like me, and I don't like you, so whatever act you are trying to pull isn't going to work." 

Aphrodite said coolly, "You know, it would be a lot easier to talk to you if I knew what to call you."

Xena agreed, "I know."

Aphrodite said, her irritation showing a little, "I can't talk to you if I don't know your name!"

Xena smiled, "Then don't talk to me."

Aphrodite stated, "Look, just because you are sleeping with my brother does not give you the right to talk to me like that! I am trying to get along!" 

Xena cocked her head to one side and rose an eyebrow, "You're jealous."

Aphrodite crinkled her nose, "Of what? Pluh-eze!"

Xena stated, "Of me. I have more power then you and I don't have to hide who I sleep with."

Aphrodite rolled her eyes, "Oh, trust me honey, if I were you I wouldn't advertise!"

Xena scoffed, "Same here."

Aphrodite pulled rank, "You know, for a mere mortal, you are a rather uppity little thing. You do know that I could kill you with a mere thought, don't you?"

Xena stated, "No, you couldn't." 

Aphrodite was getting worked up by now, "WHAT do you MEAN by THAT?"

Xena said, casually tipping her chair back, "You're the love one, you don't just kill people. Besides, you're afraid of Ares."

Aphrodite raised her voice. "Everything comes back to him! My brother is a murdering bastard!" 

Xena asked, "So?"

Aphrodite continued, determined to make this mortal see things her way. "He doesn't feel at ALL!" 

Xena considered the goddess, deciding what to tell her and what not too. "That's not true."

Aphrodite finally slipped and let some of her true colors show, "He's my opposite!" 

Xena smiled, "That's what your problem is. You're Love and Ares is War... is that it? If you're right then he has to be wrong. You ever think that maybe you aren't on such opposite ends of the world, you two aren't that different."

Aphrodite positively shrieked, "How can you even say that? We are NOTHING alike!"

Xena was still smiling, though it was a rather evil smile. "Let's take you and me for example. How old are you supposed to be?"

Aphrodite wearily said, "My twenties I think."

Xena continued, "All right, I'm twenty-two. I wear leather; you wear lace. You have blond curly hair; I have straight black hair. I like war and fighting, you like love and shopping, right?"

Aphrodite asked, "So? You're just proving my point."

Xena growled, "I am not done! I bet you lots of people don't like how either of us dress. You know all that crap about to revealing outfits. Ok, so we look different, we're both tall..."

Aphrodite grudgingly added, "And beautiful."

Xena smiled, "You're the goddess of love, you have to realize that war and love go hand in hand. It's all about passion, desire, that rush you get. So now, love goddess, tell me how different we are."

Aphrodite refused to give in, "You're mortal; I'm not."

Xena explained, "I used you and me because we are both women. What makes you think Ares is so different? Don't you gods get along at all!"

Aphrodite said, "So? Ares has a temper and he is stubborn! He's Hera's favorite!"

Xena chuckled, "Now you are proving MY point. What have you been doing this whole time? You have been arguing, your temper flaring, and you have been refusing to see my side... Just like me."

Aphrodite raged, "YOU ARE THE most STUBBORN woman I have ever met. How can you EVEN compare love and war? How can you know what I'm like or my brother? You're mortal! You LIKE fighting for gods sake!"

Xena's eyes flashed and she stiffened, "Ooh, I hit a nerve. I thought the goddess of love doesn't get mad."

Aphrodite screamed, "I HATE YOU!" 

Xena smirked in a superior manor, "I hate you too." 

Aphrodite put her hand to her mouth in shock, "I didn't... no… I don't... no, no. I didn't mean it! I didn't say that! I don't do that!"

Xena asked, "Yeah you did, and somebody else was watching."

Aphrodite looked puzzled, and then she felt it. "Ares?"

Ares appeared behind Xena. "Hello, sister."

Xena smiled and more ordered then asked, "Don't tell her my name, Ares."

Aphrodite rolled her eyes at her brother. "I just can't believe you."

Ares stepped away from Xena, "Just a moment my princess." and faced his sister. 

Xena sat back down, wanting to watch this family feud. Aphrodite said, "She's so young, Ares, how can you have HER as a warrior."

Ares countered, "She's not that young, Aphrodite, and I didn't make her a warrior. It's in her nature, it was her choice."

Aphrodite asked, "And that makes it better? Ares, you don't just have woman warriors. That's not your realm, you have no rights."

Ares growled, "Don't tell me what rights I have, sister."

Aphrodite argued, by now thoroughly annoyed with both her brother and his warrior, "She belongs to me, or Hera because she's female. And if she must be a warrior then she belongs to Artemis... wait she isn't an Amazon is she? Then she belongs to Athena! Not you."

Xena jumped up and, her eyes flashing, pushed between the god and goddess. When she spoke, her voice was low and menacing. "I don't belong to ANYONE, you damn gods think you just own the world. Well you don't! I didn't want to be an Amazon, or one of Athena's bitches. I want to conquer the world; I am the Destroyer of NATIONS. And who better then the god of war to help me accomplish that goal? I'm not some goody-goody female that sits at home and cooks!"

Aphrodite looked appalled, "Ares how could you? You are going to use this... WOMAN... to conquer the world? I already knew you wanted to be top god, but this is low, even for you. And you," she turned on Xena, "are a fool. You think the gods will just obey your every whim, and let you just take over the world, no hassle?"

Xena looked hurt briefly, she rounded on Ares and spat. "And you. If you EVER involve me in one of your personal wars again I will... marry some jerk and sit at home as a common housewife. Don't mess with me, War God, I could take on your army."

Ares flinched, "I was on your side, sweet. I know that you could take on my army, I trained you."

Xena didn't acknowledge Ares, but she did say to Aphrodite, "I am not a fool, I don't think the gods will do anything for me, you don't do anything for the rest of the world. No one is going to 'let' me take over the world. I will take it by force if I have to. Now, love goddess, I think you should go. And just to be clear, we are not friends."

Aphrodite frowned, she had failed to keep her temper in control and screwed up her plan, she hadn't even gotten this woman's name. Aphrodite mumbled something and disappeared. Ares said, "You know I wasn't trying to insult you. I know you can look after yourself, I just couldn't help arguing with Aphrodite."

Xena pouted, "I know..." 

Ares started massaging Xena's shoulders. "You should get ready for your battle, it should not take that long."

Xena pulled away from Ares. "No it shouldn't. Well I better get my armor on and get going. You'll be there, right?"

Ares nodded, "Of course, princess, I never miss your battles, no matter how small."

Xena taped her foot impatiently, and Ares disappeared laughing. Xena sighed, "Damn love goddess, she threw off my whole timing. Where was I?"

And dug through her battle plans.

* * *

Aphrodite was practically in tears, "That's it, Cupie, I can't do it! I-I-I said I h-hated her! And It's TRUE!" 

Cupid, who had been watching the whole thing, comforted his mother. "It's not that bad, we all blow our tops every once in awhile. Have a bubble bath, relax, go shopping, and then when you feel better try again."

Aphrodite said, "But I'm the GODDESS of LOVE, I like NEVER blow my top. That's what I'm known for, Cupie, you don't get it."

Cupid ignored his mother, "I was listening to you two. She really isn't that different from Uncle Ares. She wants to get a rise out of you, she likes how you feel when you yell."

Aphrodite said, "I feel AWFUL when I yell..."

Cupid continued, "Precisely. I was thinking about ways to get on her good side. Be truthful; tell her you didn't know what to think when you first met her, that she's right you are alike... No, mom, let me finish. Tell her that you've decided that you don't have to do 'girl things' to be friends, find a common bond. Tell her that you need help working on your anger." 

Aphrodite considered this, "You really think it'll work?" 

Cupid said, "Yes, but only if you are relaxed. Go have a bubble bath or something."

Aphrodite said, "All right... Cupie?"

Cupid asked, "Yes mom?"

Aphrodite smiled, "Like pluh-eze get off your pretty pink ass and like get back to work while mommy's busy chillin'. Kay, sweetie."

Cupid frowned, "Yes mom."

Aphrodite wiggled her fingers in a wave and disappeared.

* * *

Xena stalked into her tent, her cheeks flushed heart pounding. There was nothing she loved more then a good fight... well maybe something. The smell of blood surrounded her. He appeared and they both grinned evilly. Ares complimented, "You know, I think you are even more beautiful in blood."

Xena licked her lips, "I'd say the same for you, but you seem to have already cleaned up. Did you like the 'battle?"

Ares announced easily, "I liked the heads on the spikes, nice touch, my dear. I haven't seen a massacre like that in ages."

Xena teased, "I am glad you approve oh mighty god of war."

Ares picked Xena up and spun her around, usually nobody talked to him like that, but he didn't mind Xena doing that. "Don't start with me, Warrior Princess."

He set Xena down, who was laughing, and said, "Ok, happy? Now I'm covered in blood again."

Xena nodded, looking the god over, "Very, but I could think of lots of things that would make me happier."

Ares snapped his fingers and they were both clean, "Better, Princess?"

Xena ignored the sarcastic tone to Ares' voice and said, "Yes, much." 

Xena put her arms around Ares' neck and purred, "I'm feeling energetic, all that blood, let's burn off some excess energy."

Ares kissed her, "Hmm... Well, when you put it that way..."

They disappeared.

* * *

Aphrodite stepped out of her bubble bath and was fully clothed. 'Attack methods... Step 1; go visit 'Thena.' She waved off her masseuse, "Not today, Hans, I like have some stuff to do."

Hans nodded, got out of the tub, wrapped a towel around his waist, bowed and left.

Aphrodite made a portal appear, checking to see that Cupid was indeed off his pretty pink ass and doing some work! Seeing that he was NOT, (he was being 'entertained' by some priestesses) Aphrodite screamed into the portal. "Cupid! Mommy's, like, totally getting pissed! Now like what did we talk about? Oh yeah, I like totally forgot, GETTING OFF YOUR PRETTY ASS AND GETTING TO **WORK**! NOW!"

Cupid shuddered in the portal, he didn't like when his mother was angry. "Yes mommy..."

He waved his servants away and appeared in his room where his arrows were. "Happy mom?"

Aphrodite smiled and made the portal disappear, she'd check on him again later. "Yes very... Now like maybe 'Thena can help me..." 

Aphrodite disappeared.

* * *

Athena was sitting in her throne room, her minion Nike was sitting on her lap blabbering on about something or other, when Aphrodite appeared. Aphrodite winced, "Like sorry 'Thena... Didn't know you were like busy..."

Athena blushed, "I was not 'busy' Aphrodite. Nike was just filling me in on some wise people, weren't you Nike?"

Nike bowed and lied as she was expected to. "Yes, Goddess."

Athena looked stern, "Well go on, Nike, we will continue this 'discussion' later." 

Nike scurried away and Aphrodite asked, "Sis, I need a favor..."

Athena rolled her eyes, "I already signed the immortal Manicurist thing…"

Aphrodite bit her lip, "I know..."

Athena stood up, "Oh no, no, no! I am NOT getting anyone else to sign!"

Aphrodite sighed, "That's ok, 'Thena, I like just need somebody's name."

Athena cautiously asked, "Who?" You could never tell a trap with Aphrodite.

Aphrodite asked, "Well, you know that woman that is always at meetings and stuff with Ares? What's her name?" 

Athena spat, "Why do you care?"

Aphrodite said, "Like c'mon, 'Thena, just tell me her name, pluh-eze?" 

Athena sighed, "I'm not sure, Aphrodite, I try not to even notice her. Absolutely appalling that a mere mortal is at meetings!"

Aphrodite didn't mention that Athena OFTEN had mortals at meetings, instead she said, "Thanks, 'Thena. Ciao!" 

And disappeared. Athena called Nike back to finish their 'business.'

* * *

Xena and Ares were going over a battle plan for Discords war in Athens. Xena pointed, "If they go through the hill to the left they'd miss Athens."

Ares shook his head, "They will miss Athens anyway! The problem is getting them far enough away that the solders don't go into Athens."

Xena shook her head, "You're boxed in; sea, forest and mountains. The only thing to do would be to completely turn them around."

Ares shook his head, "It would sound like a retreat. And the second army has the first blocked."

Xena asked, "Why do you care about Athens anyway? So what is the city gets trashed? This is Discord's war, she should fix it."

Ares said, "Ahh, but it's not that simple, Athena is the patron goddess of Athens and she will have a FIT if Athens is ruined. And Discord can't fix it! She wasn't supposed to START it in the first place!"

Xena smiled and leaned back against Ares. "Ok, make this simple then. Blow up the clearing where they are?"

Ares laughed, wrapping his arms around his chosen's waist. "I knew you'd say that..."

* * *

Aphrodite appeared next to Hermes, "Hey bro, I like need a favor."

Hermes smiled at Aphrodite, "Sure, sis, whatever you want? Message you need delivered? I have a new policy, just say the persons name and I'll find them, don't need a place anymore."

Aphrodite smiled "Cool but I don't need a message, I was wondering about somebody's name?"

Hermes asked slowly, "Who?" Nobody asked anything of him except to deliver stuff.

Aphrodite smiled again, "Well you know that woman Ares is always bringing to meetings, the mortal thing? Like, do ya know her name?"

Hermes winced, "You wouldn't like her, Dite, she's not very nice." He rubbed his ear, "I usually just pray she's heard of 'don't kill the messenger!' Why do you want to know?"

Aphrodite rolled her eyes, "Just a name, Hermes, like pluh-eze?"

Hermes sighed, "Her name is Xena. Now I've gotta go, messages to be delivered!"

Hermes flew off and Aphrodite disappeared smiling. 'I have her now! Xena what an interesting name... Hi, I'm Aphrodite and this is my friend Xena... Yeah like I'll ever say that!'

* * *

Swords clashed in a clearing as Ares and Xena fought. Ares slashed his sword at her legs, but Xena flipped over him and swung at his back, Ares spun around blocking her blow. When a sugary voice said, "Yo, comin' down!"

Both combatants sheathed their swords. Xena whispered, "Since when has she ever announced herself?"

Ares shook his head, and Aphrodite appeared in pink with her hands over her eyes. She carefully removed one hand to find herself in a clearing. "Oh thank gods! I've had WAY to many close calls this week."

Xena chuckled and Ares said, "Well, well, looks like somebody's finally learned her lesson." 

Aphrodite removed both hands and straightened up, fixing a lock of hair. "Yeah, shove it, bro!"

Xena laughed, "See something that you didn't like..."

Aphrodite sternly reminded herself, "Knock before visiting Daddy... Oop's did I say that out loud?"

Ares winced and Xena made a 'yuck' face. Aphrodite, meanwhile, had remembered what she was there for, "Yeah, anyway, Xena, I was wondering if you want to do me a favor." 

Ares laughed, "Oh that's simple, NO."

Aphrodite scowled, "I didn't ask YOU."

Xena calmly pulled out her sword and twirled it. "Well he's probably right… Go ahead, I'll humor you. What do you need, Aph?"

Aphrodite said, "Yeah, well I'm having, like, some major anger issues. And I, like, thought that like maybe you could tell me how to work them, like, out?"

Xena pointed her sword in Ares' direction; "He could help you with that... I mean, you are brother and sister." 

Ares backed up, from the idea, not the sword. "Oh no, not gonna happen. No. Not even for you, princess."

Aphrodite wrinkled her nose, "Nuh-uh. But, I mean, you have to have some ideas and, you know, being girls and all..."

Xena suddenly laughed, "That's your problem? Yeah sure, why not, anger issues. Yeah, I can help with that."

Ares said, "On that note, I'll leave you to deal with your 'anger issues.'"

Ares walked up to Xena and kissed her, "See you later, my sweet. We can continue our workout then... Try not to hurt my sister...too much." 

Xena smiled, "Bye..."

Ares stepped back and disappeared. Xena fixed Aphrodite with a glare. "Who told you my name?"

Aphrodite smiled sweetly, "I have my ways to get information."

Xena smiled a very fake and sweet smile. "Oh I'm sure you do, Aph, now who did you do to find out my name." 

Aphrodite winced, "That's rude! I didn't 'do' anyone. I just asked Hermes."

Xena shrugged, "Yeah, whatever." She put on the sweet smile again and called, "Hermes, I need you to deliver a message."

Hermes appeared across the clearing, "Hi, Xena, who do you want it to go to?"

Xena took a step towards Hermes she licked her lip and beckoned Hermes over with a finger. Hermes smiled and walked up to Xena. "Yes, Xena? What is it?"

In a split second, Xena's eyes narrowed and she grabbed Hermes by the neck, lifting him off the ground so that he was at eye level with her. "Tell Hades he should be expecting some more business from me. And, Hermes, DO NOT give out my name to anyone and stay away from me. Though I think Ares already told you to stay away from me - you should have listened."

Hermes nodded and was dropped unceremoniously to the ground. He sarcastically added, "Yeah, sure, Xena. Anything else?"

Xena pinched his cheek. "Nope, Herms, that's all."

Hermes disappeared muttering, "Don't kill OR embarrass the messenger!" 

Aphrodite waved, "Sorry Hermes, didn't mean to send you to Unc Hades."

Xena turned back to Aphrodite, "So you want to work on your 'anger?' Let's go then."

Aphrodite gave a puzzled expression - at least it was working! Xena was being semi-nice. "What d' ya mean?"

Xena rolled her eyes, "Who is pissing the goddess of love off most?"

Aphrodite bit her lip, "Cupid."

Now it was Xena's turn to be puzzled, though her face didn't change. "Your son? The god of love?"

Aphrodite sighed, "All he does is sit in his room with a bunch of priestesses! He never does his job anymore, and he's, like, bossing me around!"

Xena said, "Okay, you're the goddess. Go do something to his priestesses and yell at him. Simple." 

Aphrodite twirled her hair, "Are you SURE? I mean it's not that big of a deal, right?"

Xena ordered, "Oh, stop whining! Just go yell at him - it will deal with your anger and I can get back to my workout."

In a split second, Aphrodite had hugged Xena. "Ooh! Thanks! You're so nice!"

Xena pried the love goddess off of her, a disgusted look on her face. "All right already! Just go! And I am not nice, I just want to get rid of you already."

Aphrodite rolled her eyes, "Yeah sure, hon. Besides, I know what's on your mind. It's my business, remember?" 

Before Xena could correct her, Aphrodite disappeared. Xena shrugged, "That was weird. Ares? I want to get that new move down today!"

Ares appeared, "That, my dear, was my little sister - goddess of love. Cupid is the only one more annoying than her."

Xena laughed, drawing her sword, "Yeah, I can bet. I had a good time though; I got to yell at Hermes and I think I just broke up the close bond that Cupid and Aphrodite share."

Ares drew his sword and swung it at Xena's head, forcing her to bring her sword up high to stop it. "Good job, sweet."

* * *

Aphrodite appeared in her favorite temple and called sweetly, "Cupie, could you like do mommy a favor?"

Cupid appeared and eyed his mother warily; he still hadn't forgiven her for yelling at him. "Yes, mother, what is it? It's not like I have a choice or anything is it?"

Aphrodite pouted, "Oh, Cupie, don't BE like that! It's like so yucky - brings wrinkles you know. Doll, who's your favorite priestess? Mommy wants to meet her."

Cupid smiled, "Sorry mom. Umm... Alexia, you'd like her."

With a flash Alexia appeared. She was petite, had short blonde hair, was blue eyed and had a shapely figure. She dropped to a bow and gave Aphrodite the evil eye. "My lord, Cupid, how can I be of 'service' to you."

Aphrodite scowled for a second, 'Why in tartarus do Cupid's priestesses always hate me?' she smiled politely, "Hey, hon, I'm Cupid's mom. You know, the GODDESS of love? I want you to meet a _friend_ of mine, okay, sweetie?"

Alexia still glared at the love goddess as much as she thought she could get away with. "Whatever is requested of me..."

Cupid looked from his priestess to his mother. Aphrodite waved sweetly to Alexia and made her disappear. Cupid asked, "Mom, are you still mad at me?"

Aphrodite lounged on a lacey pink couch, surrounded by cushions, "Oh no, sweetie, I've punished you and I'm not mad anymore. You should get back to work though, you know how busy it is this time of year… I love spring!"

Cupid bent down and kissed Aphrodite on the cheek. "I'm glad that you're not mad, mom, love you! Bye, I'll get right to work."

Aphrodite smiled contentedly and waved to her son lazily. "Ciao, Doll. Have fun - you deserve it." 

Cupid disappeared and Aphrodite giggled. "Oh I'm so naughty! HANS? I think I could use that massage now!"

Hans walked in and Aphrodite's thoughts shifted. 'He's got such a cute ass! Yep, this is turning into a good day!'

* * *

Ares and Xena were in the middle of a sword fight when Alexia appeared right between them in a shower of pink hearts. Ares took one look at the stunned girl surrounded in pink light, then turned to Xena. "This is absolutely the LAST time you help Aphrodite out!"

Xena shrugged, sheathing her sword, "How was I supposed to know she would send this girl here? Besides I just wanted her off my case."

Ares pointed his sword at Alexia, "Talk."

Alexia smiled carefully as Xena drew her sword again. "I'm Alexia, priestess of the great god of love, Cupid. The goddess Aphrodite sent me here to see a friend of hers..." 

Xena moaned, in one swift movement slicing Alexia through the stomach, stepping over the body towards Ares, and bringing her sword to meet his. "Friend? I'm her friend now? I tried so hard to get rid of her and suddenly we're friends!"

Ares chuckled, waving one hand lazily to get rid of the body and using his other to swing his sword at Xena's mid-section, which she blocked easily. "I warned you to stay away from Aphrodite… all that pink." He cringed for effect.

Xena laughed, attempting to run Ares through, "Pink, yeah, I got that idea."

Ares shrugged, stepping back and bringing up his sword. In a flash of angry pink, if there is such a thing, Cupid appeared, looked at Ares and demanded, "You killed my priestess, my CHOSEN! You're not allowed to kill another's chosen! Zeus will have your head! He'll kill--" 

Xena interrupted, spinning to face Cupid. "Actually, I killed her."

Cupid turned to the woman, shocked at how stunning she was in person, "You?"

Xena nodded, stepping back, standing next to Ares and smiling at Cupid. "I killed your little priestess."

Cupid was feeling a tad light headed with those blue eyes staring at him. He was starting to think losing his chosen wasn't such a bad idea. Cupid managed to ask, while trying to think how she'd look as a blonde, "But why?"

Xena shrugged, "I felt like it? Okay, your mom asked me to. She's mad at you, you know. Now will you leave, Winged Boy? I REALLY want to get this flip down!"

Cupid muttered something under his breath, but looked fit to stay until Ares growled, "Move it Fly Boy, if MY chosen wants to get a flip down then you are not going to stop her."

Cupid glared at his uncle, looked towards the beautiful woman again, muttered something not fit for the god of love and disappeared in a flash of pink hearts and arrows. Xena raised an eyebrow, "That was… interesting… Is all your family like this?" 

Ares chuckled, "Unfortunately, yes."

* * *

"MOTHER, MOTHER!" yelled the angry god as he stormed through the temple, very tempted to stomp his foot hard enough to break the polished pink marble floors.

Avoiding both the impulse and the nervous looking priests that scurried out of the winged god's way, Cupid continued his trek through the temple, waiting for a reply to his angry shouts. "MOTHER, WHERE ARE YOU!" 

Rounding a corner, Cupid finally spotted the love goddess, who had apparently given up on her massage and was engaged in activities of a different sort with Hans.

Uncaring on whether his presence was unnoticed or simply being ignored, Cupid walked up towards his mother and yanked Hans away from her, irritably tossing him away and waiting for his mother to collect herself with his eyes on the ceiling.

With a snap of her fingers and a dismissing wave to Hans, Aphrodite rose to her full height and glared at her son, one hand absently fixing her hair. "This better be good, Cupid, mommy was busy and you just sent my masseuse away… and he's foreign!"

Deeming it safe to lower his gaze, Cupid did so and stared angrily at his mother, "You sent my priestess, my CHOSEN, to her death!"

"Who?" Aphrodite questioned, not willing to remember the yucky vibes of sending anyone off to be killed. "Oh, that Alexia floozy? I didn't kill her, I just sent her to visit my new bud, Xena."

The sarcasm in the love goddess' voice was not lost on her son, and Cupid irritably exclaimed, with more than a touch of hurt in his voice, "And Xena KILLED HER! Mommy how could you!"

And quite unexpectedly, Aphrodite found herself with an armful of blubbering love god, his wings quivering right along with the sobs racking his body. Unsure what to do, Aphrodite patted his back awkwardly and tried to explain, "Oh, Cupie, I had to do something. She was distracting you from your duties and next thing Zeus would have stepped in. Better it was her than you."

Straightening up abruptly, Cupid resumed glaring at Aphrodite, her explanation having angered rather than comforted him. "Fine. Next time, stay out of it!"

With a flash of pink light, he was gone. Aphrodite sighed at the spot where her son had just been. She finally shrugged, realizing that picking up with Hans was a lost cause for the day and that Cupid was probably not going to talk to her for a while. With a sigh, the goddess of love disappeared as well.

* * *

There was a flash of sparkles and hearts. Two hands were delicately removed from eyes, and Aphrodite - having deemed the surroundings safe - declared, "I think my anger issues are all worked out. Ooh, I feel so naughty!"

Blinking at both the new presence, and her ability to start talking like they were friends, Xena said nothing.

Sure enough, Aphrodite elaborated. "Cupid's back to work, that nasty priestess is gone, and I got to enjoy a wonderful 'massage.'" She giggled, and then frowned slightly, as she remembered Cupid's response to the whole affair. "I don't think Cupie's gonna forgive me anytime soon, though."

Shrugging, Xena couldn't help but reply, "I wouldn't worry about it. Fly Boy will find some other priestess and forget all about it."

Flouncing down on a much-too-dark couch across from Xena, Aphrodite sighed, "I guess. That was kinda cool of you, Warrior Babe, killing that little bitch." 

Smirking slightly at the memory, Xena admitted, "It wasn't a problem."

"It's kinda dreary in here but, with a little sprucing up, it would be pretty cute." Topic 180 completed successfully, Aphrodite studied Xena's habitation, a room that she had permanently claimed within the Halls of War.

Blinking, wondering if Aphrodite was really that flighty, Xena raised a sculpted eyebrow. "I don't have much time to decorate." 

Aphrodite pursed her lips in thought, "Off fighting and all that icky stuff, I suppose. I could help you decorate, if you like?" Her eyes were sparkling with enjoyment at the thought. 

"I don't like pink."

Giggling, Aphrodite waved off the very insinuation, "Oh, it doesn't have to be pink. Wouldn't suit you anyway - obviously."

With a long-suffering sigh, Xena gave in. "All right, you can try. Just be prepared to turn it back."

For a moment all was silent as Aphrodite contemplated the décor, while Xena absently picked her nails with a small dagger.

Suddenly, Aphrodite waved a perfectly manicured hand and the room was engulfed in sparks of light. When Xena's vision cleared, the room was redone in blues and silvers, some new trim and curtains, but not much moved or decorated.

Impressed, Xena laughed, "I've gotta learn how to do that."

"Not bad, huh?" Aphrodite grinned proudly, even if it wasn't in her taste. "And you didn't think I could do it."

Looking at the playful goddess in a slightly better light, Xena deadpanned, "Next time - fry your own priestesses."

Aphrodite shrugged, "It's a god thing."

* * *

When Xena had decided to redecorate, Ares had been noncommittal, only suggesting that, next time, she could have him do it. He hadn't bothered to ask who had actually helped Xena with the décor, but then, he hadn't suspected any reason to.

So, when he walked into the newly decorated rooms that Xena had claimed as her own, and saw said warrior lounging on the deep silver couch by the fireplace, with his _sister_, Ares was rendered speechless. 

Xena had noticed his presence. She turned, still laughing about something, and was faced with The Statue That Had Formerly Been The God of War. "Ares?"

At this, Aphrodite turned around as well, "Hey Bro."

It wasn't particularly friendly, but the greeting lacked the usual derision that Ares had come to expect from his family members. The world was ending. "What's going on?"

"Oh, Aph here was just enlightening me on the dirtier parts of her job." The laughter was uncontainable. It had apparently been quite the story. "Did you want to sit down?"

Ares stared, stunned and wondering what had happened to completely alter his princess. "Xena, could I talk with you for a moment…" He paused, realizing that they were both ignoring him, "Alone?"

Snapped out of her reverie, Xena took a good look at Ares' demeanor. "Yeah, sure… Aph?"

"Catch you later, Warrior Babe," Aphrodite nodded, made some odd hand-gesture that sent Xena into a near fit of laughter, and disappeared.

Once she had recovered, Xena bit a lip and stood, cautiously approaching Ares. He didn't look happy. "Mmm, you wanted to 'talk?'" She made sure that her voice suggested other things.

And, as enjoyable as those other things might be, Ares ignored her insinuation and wandering hands, for she had reached him. He caught said hands, "What was my sister doing here?"

"Visiting."

Ares refrained from growling, as Xena's tongue darted out to distract him. "Why?"

Shrugging, Xena gave up her attempts to divert their attention to happier activities. She pursed her lips, not liking the idea of having to explain her friends. Or lack thereof. "She's not as blonde as she looks."

Recognizing the cool look settling over Xena's features, Ares sighed. He pulled her back into his arms and caught a warming kiss before replying, "Just give me some sort of warning, my dear. I generally come home to avoid my family, not visit with them."

Having won her minor battle, Xena let the next kiss heat up considerably, until hands and mouths were roaming, and clothing was definitely looking restrictive.

* * *

Cupid was still pouting. Even more so, now that it appeared his mother and her 'friend' were spending so much time together. First, Ares' chosen had killed his own, and then, just last week, his mother had fried an entire temple because he 'wasn't paying attention to his work.'

His mother was changing, getting bolder. It sucked.

Cupid had only one, small consolation - Ares was as miserable as he was. His uncle recognized that they had entered some bizarre parallel universe, and wasn't happy about it. 

Although, Ares was wavering. Confronted with the overwhelming presence of his chosen and his sister, the God of War was buckling. The other day, Cupid had even overheard Ares describe Aphrodite as 'smarter than he'd given her credit for.'

Cupid felt as though he were doomed. His only remaining options were to go into hiding with a harem of priestesses, giving up on the godly life until Zeus hunted him down, or to try and play nice with his mother, uncle, and the mortal they'd become so intrigued with.

There was only so much sex a god could handle before it became boring. And, as the God of Love, Cupid absolutely refused to become celibate.

Which meant, he had to reconcile.

Heaving a great sigh, Cupid had sucked it up and appeared at his mother's central temple, where she spent the most of her time - usually with Hans.

The place was pink and gold and gaudy, much like many of Cupid's temples. Instead of finding his mother and the warrior, as he would have expected, Ares and Aphrodite were reclined on thrones, watching something in a large overhead mirror and sipping ambrosia.

Cupid stared. If there was anything more unusual than Ares' chosen hanging out with his mother, it was the presence of Ares himself. He cleared his throat.

Without looking up, Aphrodite muttered, "This is a private party-" she glanced up and found her son, who was apparently not estranged anymore. "Oh, Cupie! Pull up a throne." 

Despite still being sore with her, Cupid did not have it in his loving little heart to deny her request - she looked so hopeful at seeming him. Ares looked much the same as he always did - mildly irritated. "Shh, we're just getting to the good part." 

Intrigued to say the least, Cupid did indeed make his throne appear next to his mother's, and sat down regally in it. Suspended in midair, a large, gold-framed mirror was displaying what looked to be a routine and somewhat bloody battle. Then Cupid caught the unique characteristic - Xena, leading the legions on with an undulating war cry.

"Gotta hand it to ya, Unc, she's pretty hot in battle."

Ares smirked, "Wait for it."

With a series of complicated flips, Xena made it to her goal - the commander of the opposing army. "Not worth her time," Ares hissed, when he caught sight of the general.

Aphrodite nodded her agreement, "Bad wardrobe. Just 'cause he's a warlord, he could look like he took a bath once in a while. It's Greece, not Mongolia."

Oblivious to the conversation concerning her enemy, Xena engaged him with powerful sword thrusts. The man was nearly instantly on the defensive. In a few moments, it was over - Xena's sword slid out of the commander's chest as she grinned triumphantly and announced her victory to the rest of the battle, a gleam in her eye.

Slouched comfortably in his throne, Ares chuckled low, "Oh yeah, that's the best part. Right there." 

"A little bloody," Aphrodite retorted, taking another sip of ambrosia and wrinkling her nose.

Lazily, Ares responded, "You would say that."

Cupid had many things he wanted to say, to ask, but the options were so overwhelming that he remained silent. Watching the battle with half disgust and half curiosity. This was what his uncle spent all his time in the midst of? Finally, "Well, at least it's never boring." 

The other two gods nodded.

* * *

A vase sailed over his head, and Ares ducked it deftly, grabbing a dagger off of the rack behind him and tossing it in the direction the object had come from. "Destroying my palace is not going to change my mind."

Xena caught the dagger and flung back a sword, upping the ante. "I'm not backing down, War God."

Ares gave her a snide look as the second sword, launched immediately after the first, managed to imbed itself in his side. "You're being ridiculous."

"You're being an ass."

Since his current weapons shelf was empty, and since it was Xena, Ares tried his best to reinstate civil conversation. "You can understand why I don't want you to have any dealings with him."

"I understand," Xena shot back, "That I will have to have dealings with all sorts of people you don't like when I conquer them."

A slight smirk, the battle having seemingly shifted to his side. "Yeah, but you'll be killing them."

Eyes narrowed, tongue darting out to lick her lips, Xena suggested, "I could kill him too."

"No, as my chosen you can't - you know the rules Zeus set down." Ares sighed - they were back to square one, only more furniture had been damaged in the meantime.

One eyebrow rose perceptibly. "Those rules were for you." 

"Xena, princess, you don't know what he's like. You don't want to have any contact with him." Ares was getting more than frustrated, having already run through these arguments several times. It was no use - Xena could be so stubborn. "I forbid you to."

"You forbid me?" The knife aimed at his head wasn't entirely unexpected.

Ares immediately regretted his choice of words, but the point was the same. It was about pride now, and he wasn't about to admit that he was afraid of such an irritating thorn in his side taking away Xena, on top of everything else. "Yes! This whole plot of yours is absurd. You can continue your domination of the world without taking on my idiot half-brother at this juncture."

Her eyes were cold, narrowed, resolved. "Well. You won't have to worry about me killing him anymore. I don't want to be your _chosen_, Ares." This time she spit out the words - she'd thought that she meant more to Ares than just some little warlord to order around. She was the Destroyer of Nations. "Forbid somebody who will listen."

Before Ares could attempt any reply, had he been willing to attempt to sooth the situation, Xena had spun on her heels and marched out.

* * *

The battle was, as usual, glorious. Another of Xena's finest. After several weeks of time to cool the feelings of both of them, and much intervention from his sister, Ares had decided to congratulate his _chosen_ on a job well done.

But, when the armies had cleared and the victory cheers were dying down, Xena only spared a glance at where Ares had made himself discretely visible. With a sneer, she turned her horse around, away.

Ares watched Xena ride away from him; her look was like stone, and harder than Medusa's… He felt, lonely, despite his attempts to hide it. In an invisible flash of pink light Aphrodite appeared next to her brother, dabbing at her eyes with a handkerchief. "This is like so totally sad!"

Ares rolled his eyes, "It's not sad. I'll get my warrior back, no big deal."

Aphrodite watched sadly as her brother disappeared and Xena rode out of sight. "Yeah, it like totally IS a like big deal! I'll be here for, like, both of ya until you two totally, like, figure it out though."

With that, Aphrodite disappeared as well.

The End


End file.
